Non Complementary Behavior: Flip the Script (NPR)

Conflict. It is inevitable. How we respond in moments of conflict can be very powerful. I heard this story on NPR and was compelled to examine how I live my beliefs about learning and leading in light of non complementary behavior. Flipping the script requires us to avoid mirroring someone else's anger, hatred or frustration in contentious situations. Word choice is important, but so are mannerisms, posture, tone and facial expressions. Often times in leading I encounter very upset individuals. They might not necessarily be mad at me, but they have something to get off their chest. They need to be heard. They need to vent. Acknowledgement and empathy are important. Beyond that Cognitive Coaching kicks in to empower others to see themselves through to resolution, next steps or reasonable actions in light of the current frustration. Being a leader means being a human who has developed a wide repertoire of pro-active and responsive skills for interpersonal management. We cannot expect to 'control' others, but we can expect to help them see what levels of self-control they can employ in various situations. Every interaction is an opportunity to build capacity in our human capital... and maybe... just maybe... increase the level of compassion evident in our world.

Comments

Unknown said…
I listened to the same NPR segment and I have had a great deal of success, although I wasn't consciously thinking of it at the time. Proverbs 15:1 says, "a soft answer turns away wrath..."
Most, if not all that's going bad in the world is a matter of the heart. I've heard nothing from our leaders about caring for the heart; they just want to make laws to restrict people. A more successful approach is to restore people and remove the great fears that drive people to make poor choices.
9:50 AM
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