To Fish or Be the Fish - coaching young boys to focus and be their best

I have been working with a few young 3rd grade boys from one class over the past few months. It seems that there is always something that triggers conflict. Most often it is words, but a few times it has escalated into minor physical altercations. The interpersonal relationships have developed into a toxic, finger-pointing, looking for trouble context that has been quite disruptive to the class; especially during less structured times and transitions. After a major escalation where play "battling" got aggressively physical, I felt that the standard disciplinary action was not enough. An increase in monitoring, coaching and visible support from administration felt necessary.

In my discussions and counseling with this particular group of boys, I found that there was a lot of distracting nonsense going on. They were constantly in each other's space, nitpicking on each other, baiting each other and trying to touch each other. How frustrating! So I told them this story (analogy):

The Story of the Fisher-person 

(on a separate note, I have been working towards using less dichotomous, gender-specific, judgmental language in my choice of words professionally and personally - it's tricky, but doable - hence, fisherperson rather than fisherman - more on that later!)

Imagine you are in a boat. Your job is to go out on the water and catch fish. You need the fish. You need the fish to eat, to sell, to survive. Without the fish, you will suffer greatly. You need to focus on fishing. You need to catch enough fish to survive. Imagine there are many other fisher-people out on the water in their own boats trying to do the same thing. If this is so important to you, don't you think you will work hard at it? Don't you think you would want to have your own fishing space and catch the fish you need? Would you cast your line into another person's space? Would you jump out of your boat and go in the water where you might get caught up in another person's net or line? No! You would do your job!

Now think about being in school in your classroom. Your seat is your fishing boat. The school work and learning is your fish. You need to catch all that up in order to survive. You need to spend your time "fishing" - you need to put your boat in the best spot and get as much out of learning as possible - catch all the fish you need.

You have to ask yourself this very important question: Are you going to fish or are you going to be the fish? Are you going to jump out of your boat and abandon your job to get caught up on someone else's fish net? Are you going to pay more attention to what other fisher-people are doing instead of your own work? Because then you are the fish. Not the fisher-person (every time I said fisher-person or fisher-people they gave me a weird look - totally worth it!). They nodded their head in agreement. They kept saying they would be the person fishing, not the fish. 

We dug a little bit deeper into the analogy. We talked about situations where they are acting like the fish instead of the fisher-person. We talked about the possibility of someone being in their boat and maybe going to hurt someone or hurt themselves, then that might be a good time to step in - because keeping other people safe is an important value in our school. We talked about the instance of someone off task or not doing their work, then that would be that person's problem - they would not catch the fish they need. They would not be learning, and it is not your job to call them out, interfere, intrude or tattle tale. We talked about how you are not the police of the fisher-people, but you are responsible for catching your own fish (and keeping others safe). 

Consequently in the following weeks, we had several opportunities to relate to the analogy during my increased monitoring and student coaching. One time a student remarked that another student was playing computer games rather than typing a paragraph as they should. I simply asked, "Are you fishing or are you the fish?" In a humbled, head down, low grumbling realization, my friend acknowledged he was being a fish. He got caught in the other kid's net. 

Helping these young boys move from a tattle-tale culture of always being in each other's business into being more focused, self-controlled learners with less drama has had its challenges, but it also has had its rewards. Their self-awareness has improved. Their focus on attending to academic tasks has improved and there have been little to no altercations or escalations. So maybe, just maybe this will be the lesson that helps them navigate the tricky world of pre-adolescence, adolescence and young adult-hood. Maybe if we all focused on "fishing" in productive ways without interfering with others or allowing others to distract us, we will be more efficient, safer and kinder.